


Jon going political or so he thinks...

by Instantiator



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Insanity, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 18:05:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17350019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Instantiator/pseuds/Instantiator
Summary: This comes after experiencing a day or two of online hilarity, insanity, and inanity. Hopefully it will be more insane than all of it.





	Jon going political or so he thinks...

Jon had decided to be political. After all how else was he supposed to develop as a character? It was a serious question. So how was he going answer it? Well since he was a fool and an idiot he wouldn’t. Duh. So yeah where were we? Yes Jon was going to be political with Dany… WHAT? Stupid brain! Not ‘Dany’! Are you in love with her or something? No ‘evil pyro-bitch’… yes that’s what he was going to call her. The _evil pyro-bitch_ who listed her accomplishments in such a beautiful, graceful way… _What the hell Jon? Get over it!_

 _She is EVIL._ Her beautiful eyes that he could drown in, the swell of those breasts… it had to be evil. Otherwise why the hell was it so insanely distracting? She was a wicked Targaryen! A foreign slut! Who, amazingly enough for sluts, didn’t seem to be sleeping with anyone. It had to be a trick! It did, it did, it did! Didn’t it?

But how was he going to be political with this gorgeous crea… damnit Jon! Get a hold of yourself. Yes, how was he going to be ‘political’ with her? Obviously he had no idea since he was a political moron and needed Sansa’s help to tie his own shoelaces… which was quite an accomplishment given that his shoes had no laces.

So how would he do this? He had no idea. Time to meditate. But he didn’t know how to meditate. So what? Since when had knowing nothing stopped him from doing anything? It would be his epitaph. ‘Here lies Jon Snow, he knew nothing and he did it.’ Very well he would make it up.

Jon sat down on the floor of the room he’d been given in Dragonstone. He closed his eyes. He decided to let his thoughts wander. They wandered to the curve of the Dragon Queen’s ass. So he opened them again. Okay, this wasn’t working. Maybe he needed to chant something. But chant what? Who cares? **_Just make up something that sounds stupid beyond belief, that’s what chanting is all about. Maybe you’ll get a revelation._**

Jon closed his eyes again. His thoughts wandered to the Dragon Queen’s good heart, and what was on top of that heart, especially outside the skin, especially… he knew it! _She was a sorceress_. She must have bewitched him! It didn’t matter. He was going to chant something anyhow.

“Donsa, Monsa, Shonsa,” he said, “Fonsa, Nonsa, Lonsa.” Was it helping? He felt like a complete idiot. **_Well that is quite a revelation isn’t it_**? Was it, though? He didn’t know of course since he knew nothing. So he continued.

At length his consciousness shifted to another plane. That was really wacky since he was used to three dimensions but planes had only two dimensions. A square approached him. “Hello Jon, it is I Robb!”

“So your heaven is to live as a square for all eternity? Interesting” Jon replied, truly understanding his brother better.

“Jon you should never have gone to meet Daenerys, you needed to keep the North independent” square Robb said.

“From what? Life? Because that’s exactly what we were about to accomplish,” he replied, as his chanting in the worldly realm grew ever more intense, Flonsa, Cronsa, Wronsa, Tonsa, Sonsa Honsa…

“Fuck that now,” Robb replied, and Jon had another revelation, ascended spirits could still be foul mouthed as wounded pirates.

“What should I do?”

“You need to go Undercover Jon! Undercover!”

“Of her sheets you mean, because I’d love doing that,” Jon replied, hey square Robb was so Cool!

“Forget it, you just bend the knee. Sansa will do the rest,” square Robb answered.

“So Danerys will bring massive armies, she will bring her dragons, she will provide the dragonglass, she will lead forces into battle, she will ride dragons into battle and face the enemy directly, and Sansa will do what exactly?”

“Sansa will destroy her!” Robb replied.

Alright this was starting to sound too stupid. He must chant harder Fronsa, Groansa, Stonedsa… “And how exactly will she do that?”

“By throwing shade at her! Mwahahahhaha” the square replied and the straight edges shook. Jon could swear he was almost a circle for a moment there.

“Robb how have you grown stupider after death? I thought ascended spirits had great knowledge and wisdom.”

“You’re one to talk Mister I saw absolutely nothing when I was dead!” Robb replied. He had a point. Actually he had four points like all good squares did. However this conversation was clearly pointless now, so Jon stopped chanting and fell unconscious.

A few hours later Ser Davos woke him up. He remembered nothing. Well next to nothing, except that he had to get under Dany’s sheets. So that’s what he was going to do. Why did he need to meditate for that? 


End file.
